1 is the loneliest number.....

You know, they always say nice guys finish last; that no matter how good u treat someone, the jerks are the ones who end up on top. I don't buy that theory, or at least i dilute myself into thinking I don't belive it. But the truth is that it IS the truth. Why though? Why is it the guys who are respectful, nice, complementary, caring, and all that other blah blah blah that I've said so many times, get ignored, but the jerks who don't have an ounce of compassion in their bodies get whatever girl happens to sit next to them in class? I don't understand it, yet at the same time I do. I can see how jerks can be attractive; the whole "im too good for you" attitude combined with "im impossible to get" mentality gets those guys to the top. But that doesn't sit well with me. Unfortunately, though, there isn't much I can do to change that personna that people have of each other, so I can only look towards what I CAN affect, and that's me. Am I not outgoing enough? Do I give off a bad vibe? I dunno for sure, but what I do know is that it's starting to affect me really deeply now. I am 20 years old, and yet other than a few flings here and there, haven't had a serious relationship basically ever. People always tell me, especially girls, that "ohh Brad you're a really great guy, you'll find someone soon". Well here I am, almost legally allowed to drink, a year away from graduating college, and still nothin. Is this a plea for help? Not so much as it is a cry for understanding. I've lost faith really; you start believing that the right match just isn't there. Let's face it, nobody wants to be that guy on match.com looking for love. I've always told myself it will come. My patience has worn thin however and it's starting to affect other parts of my life. I've become distant from family, friends, and even myself. I have little to zero motivation to do any schoolwork. For example, I have two midterms tomorrow. Haven't started studying for either of them yet. Instead, right now, I'm waiting for a movie to finish buffering online so I can waste away another few hours without thinking about it. I'm afraid I will start to spiral out of control soon if I don't at least get some response. I have tried, believe me. But maybe I'm just not open enough. I dunno. We've all been in the situation where we find a really nice girl who reciprocates those nice feelings back, only to find out later she is in a relationship. We've all been there. It just seems like every one for me though is like that. Am I too picky? Maybe. But at this point I've lowered myself within a range of decency to accommadate a broad spectrum of girls. Still, nothin. So, once again, is this a plea for help? No, but it is a cry for guidance, a direction, something positive I can build off of to improve not only my personal relationship life, but all other areas as well. I will try to be more open and outgoing, even though I feel I already am. Hopefully soon, my luck will change. Then again, I've been saying that for a long time now.....

A Big Change

They say that you know a change is coming in a single moment. One split second you know that it will all be different. Its a sixth sense in a way that allows us to know something that normal intuition just cannot justify. Therefore, I knew on Friday morning, sometime between 905 and 955 am, that I could no longer pursue a major in Astronomy, a field I had dreamed about studying in for many, many years. As much as I love the subject, and enjoy reading up on it and learning it, I have found that it has become much more technical than I would have liked. Plus all the physics and math, it has become too much for me and unenjoyable. I enjoy the physics and the science of it, but it is too technical for me still. No matter how hard something becomes, you still must enjoy what you are doing to an extent. Granted, my subject matter was extremely difficult, but I just could not get interested in the subject like I thought I would be. Over the years, there has been one piece of advice that has been repeated over many times by many different people to me in many different fields of work. That advice is to do what you love, and you will succeed. Today I found out that although I enjoy astronomy, its maybe not what I want to do for a career. Instead, it is something I will just maybe follow on an amateur level as a non-professional. I have found out instead, in fact, that my true passion, what I get excited to learn about, is something completely different. They say that today is the start of the rest of your life. And for me, that has rung true no more clearly than it has today. So, after many years of hopefulness and excitement, I will now discontinue my pursuit of a field of study that I thought was right for me, but in the end, it just wasn't. So, I officially state that I have dissolved my pursuit of a degree in Astronomy/Astrophysics. I will now pursue a major in the field of Economics. My fondness of the subject will never fade, and I will continue to educate myself and learn about the fascinating science. Professionally and educationally, however, I will now refocus myself in a different direction. Am I disappointed? Yes. I am more excited, however, to conquer the opportunity that lays in front of me. My true passion. Let the new journey begin.